Bad Blogger!

Hello loyal reader! I have been a bad blogger, with far too few updates these past weeks. I have read many books and several movies that are worth mentioning, I just haven't had the time to write about them. No worries, though. As a personal challange to myself, from now until the end of August, I aim to post one review per day. Stay tuned.

Forever Odd

Forever Odd by Dean Koontz

Forever Odd does not live up to the promise of its predecessor, Odd Thomas.

Odd Thomas was quirky and weird, and told a good, complete story; Forever Odd unfortunately seems to tell an unfinished tale. The gist of the plot is that some a crazy woman kidnaps one of Odd’s friends, and Odd has to rescue him. The whole story merely boils down to this one sequence, and on the whole it lacks the mystery, twists, and character development of the first book. There is not much in the way of dialogue, and the minor but vaguely compelling secondary characters in the first book have their roles reduced to insignificance in this one. The only vaguely interesting new character, the villain, hints at interesting and strange things beyond Odd’s world, like voodoo and human sacrifice and dark rituals, but these are never explored in any meaningful way before the villain meets her untimely and unexciting demise.

This book, sadly, seems like a blatant attempt to cash in on the popularity of the first book without delivering anywhere near as interesting a story.

Prey (Demo)

Prey (Demo)

I have to say, Prey looks reasonably impressive. I finished playing through the single player part of the demo and it was not without a certain degree of coolness.

The demo starts off in a bar on a Native American reservation. You control Tommy, a guy who wants to get away from the res, and take his bartender girlfriend with him, but things don’t always work out the way you plan. Soon enough, you beat a couple of rednecks to death, a spaceship rips the roof off the bar in a blast of green light, and you and your uncle and girlfriend are all kidnapped and brought to a huge spaceship orbiting the earth, all while “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult plays on the jukebox. It is one of the more interesting intros to a game I have seen in a long time.

After you arrive on the spaceship, you are set free by a mysterious ally and it basically becomes a pretty standard first person shooter. The spaceship looks cool, but it is the same organic-techno mix that we have seen a dozen times before, recently in Doom 3 and Quake 4. There are some things that are interesting here, however. First, gravity is very variable in this game. There are walkways that lead up walls and across ceilings, and you are never sure which way is up or down. Second, portals seem to be everywhere, even on boxes that you can push around. When you pass through some portals, you actually can change size. It makes for some interesting movement puzzles. Third, eventually you are able to take on a spirit form and can pass through many barriers. Besides these few things, there is not really all that much here to separate this from a half dozen other shooters.

This game uses a modified Doom 3 engine, and it looks and runs pretty well on my not-even-close to high end machine.

The demo is worth playing, and I am probably going to pick up this game at some point. It seems like it is a competent (if not groundbreaking) shooter. I don’t think it is worth dropping 50 bucks on – I’ll wait till it drops a bit.

Odd Thomas

Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz
Odd Thomas is a quirky little horror story with a good sense of humor.

Odd (which is his real name) can see dead people. They can’t talk to him, but usually they want something from him – like figuring out who killed and bringing them to justice. He lives in a small California town, and works as short order cook. Things start to get a little stranger when a horde of black, malevolent shadow creatures descend on his town, portending a great disaster. Odd, with the help of his friends and girlfriend have to find out what is going on, and stop it.

This book is told from Odd’s point of view, written as a sort of journal. It moves at a good pace, there are a bunch of interesting and unique characters, and it made me laugh out loud more than once. There are some excellent creepy bits as well, and on the whole the book strikes a good balance between horror and humor, never leaning too far in either direction. I don’t want to spoil it, but it comes to a very satisfying conclusion also.

This is a very decent, fun, quick read. Odd Thomas is a heck of a lot better than the last Dean Koontz book I read, Intensity. It won’t change your life or anything, but it probably will hold your attention until you finish it. It’d be a good beach or subway read.

Firewall

Firewall is Air Force One without the plane. While there is nothing exactly wrong or terrible here, this movie doesn’t really do anything that we all haven’t seen dozens of times before.

The general plot is as follows – IT security expert Jack Stanfield’s (Harrison Ford) family is held hostage by the articulate and intelligent criminal mastermind Bill Cox (Paul Bettany) in order to force Jack into assisting ripping of the bank Jack works for. So there are the inevitable twists and turns of your basic run-of-the-mill thriller, but there isn’t much in the way or tension or surprises. The actual crime of robbing the bank involves a convoluted wire-transfer scheme that isn’t explained very well at all. Perhaps they wanted to cut short on technobabble but I for one would have appreciated a clearer picture of what the heck they were doing, and why couldn’t they have done it without holding Jack’s family hostage? The one redeeming feature of the film is there is an artfully done brutal fistfight at the climax.

Harrison Ford plays the same character that we have seen dozens of times now, only older. Paul Bettany’s villain character is vague and bland, and we never are really shown a compelling motive for his crimes – he is just a generic bad guy. Bleh.

Generation X

Generation X by Douglas Coupland
Generation X captures the essence of directionless 20-something life way back in the good old days of the 90s.

This book tells the story of three friends living in Palm Springs, working low-end jobs and really heading nowhere. They amuse themselves by drinking copious amounts of alcohol, taking plentiful nonprescription drugs, and telling each other stories. At some point in each of their lives, they each decided to step off the conventional path they were on in an attempt to find happiness. That kind of move takes a strange courage. Not much happens to them in this book, but I guess that can be said about most lives – not much happens.

However, just because nothing happens doesn’t mean you can’t have a few laughs. This book is quite funny. There are numerous definitions in the sidebar such as “McJob: A low-pay, low-prestige, low-dignity, low-benefit, no-future job in the service sector. Frequently considered a satisfying career choice by people who have never held one.” And “Poorochondria: Hypochondria derived from not having medical insurance.” The characters entertain themselves by telling each other stories, some of them quite bizarre and others quite touching.

There is a bit of timelessness to the listless plight of the protagonists, something I definitely can relate to. I enjoyed this book, even though it struck a little too close to home.

Dungeons & Dragons Online

Dungeons & Dragons Online: Stormreach 7 Day Trial
Well friends, this is my first video game review, and it is going to be a bit of a strange one. I downloaded and played a 7 day free trial of the (relatively) new MMO D&D Online: Stormreach and I played for about, oh, maybe 10 or so hours – give or take an hour or two. To say this is a review then is not quite fair, a typical MMO involves quite a bit more playtime to get a true feel for the game than I put in. So in all fairness, I will call this an ‘impression,’ rather than a review. So, that said, here we go. . .

There are a fair amount of character options in D&DO. For race the choices are Dwarves, Elves, Halflings, Humans, Warforged, and the newly added Drow. For class you get the usual D&D fare, Barbarian, Bard, Cleric, Fighter, Paladin, Rangers, Rogues, Sorcerer and Wizard. Character creation is pretty straight forward, and you have a good deal of discretion with statting out your character. For my first character, I choose to make a Warforged Fighter; something I thought would be pretty easy and fun to play. Warforged are sort of like sentient golems, kind of like a medieval robot – reasonably cool. You can customize the appearance of your character to some degree, colors and hair and such, but not any more so than most MMOs out there.
So I whipped up Concussive Blast (I wanted to call him Shrapnel Blast, but that was taken) and off I went in search of adventure. You start off in a typical newbie area, on a vacant beach near a tavern. There are a bunch of small quests that really serve as a tutorial to get you ready for the real stuff. I am not entirely sure, but it seemed to me that every character starts off in the same beginner’s area. Soon enough, however, you are off on a boat to the far off continent of Xendrik to kick some ass and take some names.

The main game play seems to revolve around quests. You talk to one of the numerous NPCs, he complains about some problem of his –like rats in the basement or his wife just got kidnapped – and then you go off to solve his problem by killing a bunch of monsters. You wander the town till you find the location, click on the entrance, and you are given a choice of what difficulty you want to attempt the quest at, which is at least vaguely novel. The quests, from what I have seen, seem to mainly involve making your way through fairly repetitive sewers fighting kobold after countless kobold.

Combat seems quai-real time, with each swing of the sword requiring a click of the mouse. At it’s best, combat looks and feels pretty frantic. At it’s worst, you get mowed down by an enemy or trap almost instantly and before you were even dimly aware of its presence.

The game looks pretty good. Characters are well-designed, buildings look decent, and the dungeons look fairly sinister (if a tad repetitive). To be honest, I can’t really give a fair evaluation of how good it can look. To get an acceptable frame rate on my AMD Athlon 3400+ ,1GB, 64MB GeForce 4 440 laptop I had to tweak down a lot of the settings. I did manage to get it to run pretty decent at 1024x768 with a goodly amount of the effects turned up, but it did occasionally turn into a slideshow, especially in some of the city areas when there were a lot of players about. Never quite as bad as Ironforge in WoW, but still unacceptable. Also, the animations tended to behave a little strangely, with characters skating and sliding about, and I am not sure if this was the game or my machine. I am curious to see what the game looks like on a top-of-the line rig.
So the real question is, of course, “How does it compare to World of Warcraft?” In almost all aspects, WoW is a superior game that is simply more fun to play. There are things that are admirable about D&DO and I am hesitant to call it a really bad game – but there is really no comparison between the two. For example, in World of Warcraft, you can walk from one end of a huge continent to the other without seeing a loading screen – in D&DO they are frequent and lengthy. Every quest and ever zone (as far as I can tell) in D&DO is instanced, which I guess is kind of good because it prevents kill stealing or other forms of griefing, but it takes away the feeling that you are playing in a world, preventing any real feeling of verisimilitude from taking hold. The sense of scale that seems present in WoW and even Everquest and Final Fantasy XI seems to be missing, somehow. In other games you can literally just run for the hills, and see how far you can go - it doesn't seem like that in this games.

And then there is my favorite little proverbial kick in the nuts, losing XP when your character dies. Granted, it is not the hours and hours of work that you could lose playing EQ or FFXI, it is still an annoyance. And here is another situation that occurred more than once, I am playing through an instanced dungeon and boom splat I get killed by some trap or some monster. Since XP is rewarded upon completion of a dungeon, I ended up losing XP for dying and not gaining any for the progress I already made – a double kick in the nuts, as it were. Now, there may be some way for me to be resurrected and get some XP back, but if there is it is not clear how to do it, and it likely involves begging help from a higher up. I’ll take turning into a ghost anytime, thank you very much.

One of the games strengths (or hindrances, depending) is that it does a reasonably good job of incorporating the D&D 3.5 rules into the game. While many aspects have been altered (i.e. spell points instead of spell slots), there really is a good adherence to the rules, at least as good as ,say, Neverwinter Nights or the Baldur’s Gate games. An interesting change is that there are now ranks in addition to levels, there seem to be 5 ranks to a level. Upon reaching a new rank, you can gain a new minor ability using an Action Point, but not the usual hit points or attack bonus or such. Oddly, the level cap seems to be set at 10, which seems a bit low.
I really don’t mean to say this is a bad game, it really isn’t. It has some cool stuff, the world is interesting in concept, and its got some good action. If World of Warcraft had never come out, I’m sure this game would attract a legion of followers. And true, I did not play long enough to really sink my teeth into the nitty gritty of the game. But first impressions count for something, and I sadly have to say my first impression is “Meh.” Seriously, though, if you are interested give it a shot, can't go wrong with a free 7 day trial. . .

The Matador

The Matador
The Matador is a low-key buddy movie that unfortunately never quite amounts to anything.

International assassin Julian Noble (Pierce Brosnon) and struggling businessman Danny Wright (Greg Kinnear) strike up an unlikely friendship after a chance encounter in a Mexico City bar. Julian is having a nervous breakdown, after forgetting it was his birthday and coming to the realization that he has no friends, and strikes up a conversation with Danny. While watching a bullfight, Julian reveals what he does for a living and Danny is of course doubtful but after Julian demonstrates how he would kill a random stranger he is convinced. Soon enough, Danny is lured into the world of international assassination to help out Julian, who is unstable and is flaking out on his job which is making his employers nervous.

Pierce Brosnon seems doomed to be forever typecast as a spy or assassin. From Remington Steele to James Bond seems to always play a certain type of heroic rogue. In this movie, he gives one of his better performances as an assassin having a nervous breakdown. He is by turns funny and pathetic and is a reasonably far stretch from the unflappable James Bond – but in the end he is just another spy. Greg Kinnear is, well, Greg Kinnear. He is the same as he seems to be in every movie he is in. A somewhat likeable, somewhat annoying average joe.

While there are a few laughs in this movie, it never really goes anywhere. This movie has an interesting enough premise, but it never really gels. The relationship between Julian and Danny is awkward and weird, which I suppose is the point but it isn’t all that entertaining to watch.

Yarr!

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

By some miracle, the first Pirates of the Caribbean managed to not suck, which any movie based on an amusement park ride should rightly do. Decent sword fights, undead pirates, and of Johnny Depp’s inimitable Captain Jack Sparrow combined to make the first Pirates movie a highly watchable and entertaining flick. And so now we have the inevitable sequel, and the question is how does this one hold up next to the original? Surprisingly, this movie is also relatively suck-free, and is in many ways better than the first.

The plot in this movie is a bit muddied, but that really doesn’t matter too much. Will Turner is blackmailed by the East India Trading company into tracking down and stealing Jack Sparrows compass in exchange for freeing himself and Elizabeth Swan. Meanwhile, Jack Sparrow is on the run from Davy Jones, with whom he struck a bargain thirteen years ago to raise the Black Pearl from the bottom of the ocean. It just gets more convoluted from there, but the movie’s humor and excellent action pieces more than make up for the somewhat overblown plot.

This is without a doubt the Johnny Depp show, no bones about it. While the rest of the cast does a decent enough job, Captain Jack Sparrow owns every scene he is in. The computer animated face of Davy Jones is pretty cool looking, and overall the special effects look great.

This movie ends with a surprisingly effective cliffhanger, and just so you know essentially nothing is resolved – we have to wait for the sequel which should be out next summer. That said, it still is a fun ride and it is definitely one of the best movies so far this year.

The Office

The Office BBC Version Episodes 1-6

When I told people that I hadn’t seen The Office, sometimes they’d ask if I have been living in a hole. And, unfortunately for all concerned, the answer is, “Yes, I have been living in a hole thank you very much.” For most of this year, I’ve been living in a basement without a television. Yes, sad but true. Recently, however, I did get the chance to watch the first season of the BBC version of The Office on DVD and I must say I was quite impressed.

For those of you who haven’t seen either the BBC or the NBC version show, The Office is a “docu-com” set in a paper company. The show is shot in a sort of documentary style, with a shaky camera and cut-away segments of people speaking with an unseen interviewer. The characters occasionally make eye-contact with the camera or camera-man, breaking the fourth wall, usually to good comedic effect. The style is really well done and really adds a feeling of chaos and reality to the show that is fairly unique for a sitcom.

The BBC Office follows the exciting adventures at the Slough Branch of the Wernham Hogg Paper Company, managed by the inimitable David Brent (Ricky Gervais). The episodes cover all the usual corporate bullshit and general mayhem you come across in almost any job. Asinine training exercises, practical jokes that go horribly wrong, inter-office crushes and romances, bosses who are not as smart as they think they are, and the utter futility of your entire existence are the meat and bones of this show.

The characters are really well done. You know these people; you have worked with them for years. The manager David Brent is undeniably the star of the show; he is everything good and bad about every boss you have ever had rolled up into one hilarious package. The main protagonist, 30 year old Tim, is everyone who hates their job and wonders what the hell has gone wrong with their lives. Gareth is the suck-up, kiss-ass, brown-noser that you can’t quite bring yourself to hate entirely. From the cute and almost attainable receptionist Dawn to the zombie-like accountant Keith, you have been surrounded by these people your entire life.

This show is just plain funny. I hate to bust out this old cliché regarding British humor, but I have to say the best thing about this show is it’s dry wit. The show is pretty god damn clever. My favorite moment was when during a training meeting someone challenges David Brent about his previous music career he breaks out the guitar and plays songs and leads sing alongs for the rest of the meeting. It was such a ridiculous moment, delivered with such deadpan panache, that I really couldn’t stop laughing. Good stuff. I am looking forward to watching the second season.

I haven’t seen the American version yet, but I am cautiously optimistic. From all reports, the humor seems to have survived the trip over the Atlantic.

Childhood's End

Childhood’s End by Arthur C. Clarke

Somehow, this science fiction classic has evaded me over the years. It originally was released in 1954, and I read it in 2006, so it is ,oh, 52 years old or so? I guess if any book can remain in print for more than two months these days it’s a freaking miracle. So anyways. . .

This book starts of in 1974, as the United States and the Soviet Union are both about to launch their first atomic rocketships (Man, they were so optimistic in the 50s. What the heck happened?) So of course, the aliens show up. A fleet of chrome flying saucers show up around the Earth, and the “Overlords” proceed to take over. While the aliens do not reveal themselves at first, they bring about a Golden Age in short order, bringing about a near-utopia within a few short decades.

As it turns out, when the aliens look strikingly like the devil, with red skins, horns, and barbed tails. By the time they reveal themselves, humanity is “advanced” enough not to panic at the sight. The aliens true motivations remain obscure, they claim to be the servants of some even higher power. Human ingenuity has stagnated, and they have not even begun to explore space. They are reluctant to even attempt to develop new technology, when the Overlords already possess it and can usually be persuaded to share. The Overlord’s one stipulation is that humanity cannot develop interstellar capabilities, “The stars are not meant for Man.”

Eventually, the Overlords true purpose it revealed – they are sent to watch for the next step in human evolution, and to help it along. Humanity’s children eventually form a sort of groupmind, oblivious to the world but with tremendous psychic capabilities. While they move on, the adult humans civilization eventually collapses, and everyone dies.

There is a sadness to this book, with an aura of loss and wasted potential. Arthur C. Clarke seems to have some obsession with finding divinity, and there are traces of it in this book as well as the Rama series. It’s a somewhat depressing book, but I still enjoyed it.

The Wasp Factory

The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks

The Wasp Factory is a strange little coming of age story.

Frank Cauldhame is not your typical sixteen year old. He lives in near isolation on an island with his father. He attaches animal heads to poles, and sets booby traps to defeat non-existent intruders. Oh, and he is a triple murderer who killed his brother Paul, his cousin Blyth, and his cousin Esmerelda, and no one suspects a thing.

He takes advice from the Factory. The Factory is a huge old clock, which he has rigged with booby traps. He places a wasp in the factory, and depending on how the wasp meets its end he believes he gains a glimpse of the future. Obviously, the kid ain’t quite right in the head. Why? It could be because he had his genitals chewed off by a dog when he was a wee lad. That type of incident would tend to also mess one up in the brain region.

When his older brother Eric escapes from the mental hospital his father starts to panic. Eric starts calling the house, rambling insanely and saying he is coming home. His brother is even more fucked in the head than Frank is, he burns dogs and was trying to get the neighborhood kids to eat maggots and worms. It all comes together in the end, and eventually everything makes a certain kind of sense.

From what I read, this was actually a controversial book when it came out in 1984, due to it’s violent content. Seriously, I think there are Goosebump books more violent than this one. The world sure has changed a lot in 22 years, kids.

This books is part Lord of the Flies, part Catcher in the Rye, with a dash of American Psycho and a side of Invisible Monsters. It’s an entertaining read. Something I found amusing that on the back of the book where they list positive quotes about the book they also have this one – “Rubbish!” –The Times (London). It's definitely not rubbish.

American Psycho

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

American Psycho follows the wacky adventures of Patrick Bateman, wealthy yuppie stock-broker and homicidal maniac.

This book is told from Bateman’s point of view, and it is a unique perspective indeed. Most people are summed up as a collection of name brand clothing, and judged accordingly. There is no real plot to this book, it simply follows the somewhat disjointed life of Patrick Batman during the mid 80s. It's a (hopefully)satirical take on life in the New York City upper class, where $500 dollar dinners are the norm and no one seems to remember your name. Much of Bateman’s time is spent looking for ”hardbodies” and eating out at expensive restaurants; he never seems to actually do any work.

To all appearances, Bateman is young, successful, rich, and charming - but then again he also tortures and kills hookers, acquaintances, homeless people, children, and animals. If I was not as desensitized to violence as I am, I would probably be shocked at some of the stuff in this book, and in particular there is one scene involving a rat that almost made me wince. His madness escalates throughout the book, with his acts of mayhem increasing in viciousness as time goes on.

Some of my favorite bits in the book are the discussions and comparisons of business cards and bottled water. Bateman and his associates gather round and share their cards with each other in all their glorious color, in a bizarre but oddly realistic moment. The anxiousness and jealousy over white pieces of paper with black printing on it is fascinating. The discussions over the merits of different types of bottled water is equally fascinating, and great detail is given to the virtues of mineral and spring waters. How different can water be? A lot, apparently.

There are several chapters of this book dedicated to describing in intricate detail Batman’s opinions on various musical groups, including Genesis, Whitney Houston, and Huey Lewis and the News. He speaks earnestly and with deep admiration for these bands, and for some reason I found that hilarious.

There is a possibility that all the murders occur only in Bateman’s head. At one point, he murders two girls and leaves them at an apartment, and when he goes back at a later time there are people cleaning it and they seem oblivious to the fact that a double murder occurred there. Toward the end of the book, someone claims to have eaten lunch with one of the people Bateman murdered. It is never clearly spelled out, and I like the idea that it was all in his imagination.

I read American Psycho not exactly knowing what to expect. I had seen the movie a few years back, and liked it well enough. I really enjoyed this book. It is a great satirical look at a moment in time (the 80s), viewed through a very twisted lens. Apparently, when this book came out in 1991 there was a lot of controversy surrounding its depictions of violence. I have a suspicion that if this book were to be released today, fifteen years later, there wouldn’t even be a blip of controversy; I am not sure whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, but either way this book is worth a read.

Everything's Eventual

Everything's Eventual: 14 Dark Tales by Stephen King

Everything’s Eventual is a collection of fourteen short stories, most of which are excellent, with the rest being merely good.

I like short stories – and as Stephen King writes in his intro to Everything’s Eventual, so does he. There really is something to be said about the art of telling a whole story in a few thousand words. There is something remarkable about the way that a short story can have the same emotional impact as a novel, despite the difference in scale. As a wise being once put it, “Size matters not.” There is indeed some truth in that.

The stories in this collection are varied, in turns horrific and humorous, and always entertaining. I really dug the first story, “Autopsy Room Four,” is about a man who is conscious for his own autopsy. Claustrophobic and frustrating, this was a great story. Be careful while playing golf, that’s all I can say. “The Man in the Black Suit” is a disturbing story where an old man is plagued by an encounter with the devil he had as a boy. “In the Deathroom” is like once scene cut out of a movie, and it is a damn cool scene. I’m a sucker for a story with a cursed painting, and “The Road Virus Heads North” is a good one. “Room 1408” is an almost Lovecraftian story about a cursed hotel room. It is also one of the coolest ghost stories I have ever read. "Lunch at the Gotham Cafe" is a story about divorce that doesn't turn out the way I though it would - and the awesome book cover is a moment from this story. "Everything's Eventual" is a story about a young man who can kill people by writing them letters, and he falls in with the wrong crowd. He also uses the word "eventual" in place of "awesome," and that is so strange and quirky that I am going to have to try it out.

“Riding the Bullet” was published as an E-Book in 2000 and makes its first appearance in print here. It’s a story of young man heading home to visit his mother who just had a stroke and may be dying. It’s a ghost story that is surprisingly moving. There is also a sixty-six page Dark Tower story that has Roland the gunslinger going up against a gang of vampire nuns. Yes, you read that correctly: vampire nuns. It’s creepy and weird and wicked fun. It makes me want to actually get around to finish reading the Dark Tower series.

The one story that did not really work for me in this collection was “That Feeling, You Can Only Say What It Is In French,” and it gets points anyway for the title. It was a time loopy déjà vu story that sort of reminded me of an episode of a certain Star Trek: The Next Generation episode and also a similar X-files episode, but to me it lacked coherence and a satisfying conclusion. Maybe it was supposed to- I am not sure.

I highly recommend this book. Stephen King can write damn good short stories, and he proves it again here. This book is pretty eventual.

The Funniest Story Ever Told?

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore

Lamb is freakin’ riot. I laughed my ass off.

Lamb tells the story of Levi bar Alphaeus, “Biff,” Jesus’s best friend, and their wacky adventures. The book is told from the perspective of Biff, resurrected by the angel Raziel in modern times, who is charged with writing a new gospel because there was a lot of stuff left out of the other four. Like say, what the hell Jesus was up to between ages 12 and 30? Apparently, a lot.

Biff and Jesus travel across the world, tracking down the three wise men who visited Jesus at his birth. They fight demons; learn kung fu, yoga and Jew-do; learn the ways of the Kama Sutra (well, Biff does anyway); raise the dead; become Buddhists; battle bandits; heal the sick; get hit with sticks; ride an elephant; and even hang out with a yeti. Eventually, they head back to their homeland, and as you probably expect, Jesus gets tacked up to a couple of planks. But, oddly enough, it all works out in the end.

The characters in this book are great. Biff, being sarcastic and womanizing, is a perfect counterpoint to Jesus. The conversations between Biff and Jesus really are the heart and soul of this book. Raziel, The Stupidest Angel, is always hilarious and there was a nice cameo by Catch, the demon from Practical Demonkeeping. The take on Mary Magdelene as Biff and Jesus’s childhood friend and a disciple is nice, actually, compared to her common portrayal as a prostitute. The book doesn’t go quite as far as The DaVinci Code saying that Jesus and Mary were married and had children, she is by no means a whore. I like how all Christopher Moore’s books are linked together in some way, even if they are separated by a couple thousand years. It’s a nice touch.

I can see how some Christians might possibly take offense to this irreverent look at Jesus’s life. However, I think Mr. Moore sums it up best when he says “If one’s faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.”

I really enjoyed this book. It was funny and actually quite touching. Well worth reading.

Haunted

Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk

Haunted has a great premise and a few fleeting moments of brilliance but doesn’t live up to its potential.

Haunted tells the story of a group of wannabe writers who respond to an ad for a Writer’s Retreat that offers three months away from the world to create their individual masterpieces. The writers are locked away in an abandoned theater by the mastermind of the retreat, Mr. Whittier. The novel’s structure is interesting. The story of the writers in the theater alternates chapter by chapter with short stories “written” by each character, interspersed with short poems about each of the aspiring writers. The short stories are seemingly autobiographical sketches of each person, each of them telling a twisted and bizarre tale. Many of these stories are highly entertaining, and are the books strength. However, the bulk of the story, the chapters dealing with the writers trapped in the theater, is less engaging. It become apparent that Mr. Whittier will not, under any circumstances, let them out earlier than the agreed upon three months. The characters are convinced that they are all going to be famous once they get out and their story is told, and they take increasingly escalating steps to ensure that their stay is memorable. The story descends into a fucked-up mess of cannibalism and paranoid madness. While that can be fun, the book never quite meshes as a whole and I was dissatisfied at the end. I think the short stories might have been better suited to a more traditional anthology, rather than mashed into the novel’s somewhat forced structure.

When people talk about video games and movies desensitizing people to violence, they are talking about me. I giggle as I play Grand Theft Auto mowing down innocent pedestrians, and I can watch the bloodiest of horror movies with a shrug. That said, this book has some absolutely horrific, disgusting moments that actually made me cringe. I’m not really sure what to say about that, but I though I’d put it out there.

Chuck Palahniuk has written some good books. Fight Club, Survivor, and Choke are all worth reading. I unfortunately can’t give this book a solid recommendation, but I can give it a half-hearted “it’s interesting” recommendation. Read at your own risk.

Doesn't Quite 'Click'

Click is a mediocre slapstick comedy that unfortunately falls a little too short on laughs.

Click tells the story of workaholic Michael Newman, who gets his hands on a magical remote control that allows him to manipulate his life; pausing, fast-forwarding, and rewinding time as he sees fit. It seemingly is the answer to all of his problems, and it should allow him to balance his home life and work life, but it gets out of control when the remote starts fast forwarding over important events in his life. Before too long he is old, his wife has left him, his kids have grown up, but he has become C.E.O. of his company. I don’t want to totally spoil the ending, but think A Christmas Carol.

Adam Sandler is funny, and has some good moments, though if you have seen the trailer, you saw the best of them. David Hasselhoff steals every scene in the role of Michael’s jerk of a boss. I am not sure what to make of Christopher Walken in this movie. He play Morty, the wacky Bed Bath & Beyond Employee who gives Michael the remote in the first place, and shows up occasionally with wisdom and advice. I don’t know, but it seems to me that in this movie Christopher Walken was trying to do a Christopher Walken impression, if that makes any sense. Sort of like he turned the knob on ‘Walken’-ness up to 11 or something, like he is making fun of himself. Still, he has a couple of funny moments. While overall the cast is decent enough, the plot and pacing keep this movie from really clicking. The funny parts in this movie are simply too few and too far between.

As another irritant, the product placement in this movie was a teeny bit over the top. The universal remote was purchased from the back room of Bed Bath & ‘Beyond’ and every other scene featured Hostess Twinkies and HoHos. There was also a bit of blatantly offensive but more importantly unfunny racism.

There are a few laughs in this movie, but unfortunately not enough to overcome it’s shortcomings. Adam Sandler has been in good movies (Punch Drunk Love, The Wedding Singer), and terrible movies (Little Nicky). This one falls somewhere in between.

It's Just a Slush

Tangerine Juice Blend Frappachino

Once again, on a hot, humid, ugly summer day I find myself praying at the altar of Starbucks for salvation. Should I stick with the tried and true, a venti mocha Frappachino with whipped cream, or should I take a chance on something new? Last time, that didn’t work out so well. But I am feeling daring, so I order up a Tangerine Juice Blend Frappachino. So how was it?

It’s a slush. Don’t let the fancy Frappachino name fool you, it is nothing more than a slush. Still, it’s a pretty decent slush. It’s cold and refreshing, and has a nice tang to it. I liked it. I may just get another one. But, it is just a slush.

Don't Call it a Comeback

Superman Returns is way better than I expected it to be. Not a re-imagining or origin story such as Batman Begins, this movie is more or less a continuation of the earlier Superman movies. Fortunately, it makes no reference to the terrible third or fourth films. The movie makes nice use of the John Williams Superman theme from the original film, and even uses some footage of Marlon Brando as Jor-El, Superman’s father. The title sequence even uses the same whooshing letters that the originals did.

The movie opens with Superman returning from a five year voyage to his homeworld. The world has moved on since he left. Lois is engaged and has a young son. Clark Kent attempts to return to his normal life, his excuse for being away is that he was on some kind of quest to find himself. Meanwhile, Lex Luthor has been let out of prison because Superman wasn’t around to testify at his parole hearing, and he has proceeded to con a rich, dying widow out of her fortune. Lex locates the Fortress of Solitude and uncovers some powerful Kryptonian technology, capable of growing continents out of crystal. So of course, Lex goes about trying to take over the world with it, and Superman has to stop him.

Brandon Routh is surprisingly good as Clark Kent/Superman. When I saw the first publicity stills of him wearing the suit, I was highly skeptical. It just didn’t look like Superman. The costume was too dark, and he didn’t look muscular enough. But, he actually manages to pull it off, though at times it seems like he might be trying to do a Christopher Reeve impression. The rest of the cast is pretty good as well. Kevin Spacey is a satisfyingly evil Lex, definitely nastier than Gene Hackman’s somewhat comedic take on the character. Kate Bosworth is a great Lois, simulataneously tough and vulnerable as she should be. The supporting cast is pretty decent as well, James Marsden as Lois’ fiancé and Parker Posey as Luthor’s sidekick stand out.

The effects in this movie are fantastic. The last Superman movie came our in 1987, long before computer special effects really started coming into their own. And if there is any character that needs ridiculous, over-the-top computer generated special effects, it is Superman. He flies around, catches planes, and saves all kinds of people in cool ways. My favorite effect of the movie (it is in one of the trailers as well) is a bad guy shoots at Superman and we see the bullet fly through the air and bounce off his EYE, and he doesn’t even blink. How cool is that?

This a very good summer popcorn action movie. It may be a lag bit in a couple of places, but overall it keeps a reasonably good pace through two and half hours. Superman Returns is a movie worthy of it’s legacy, and not the embarrassment I thought it was going to be. I can recommend this to any fan of the comics, cartoons, or earlier movies, and anyone who likes good, big action flicks. Go see it.

We're Screwed

Sometimes, I feel bad for Al Gore. He is such an easy target for ridicule. Something about his deadpan drawl and his straight-laced demeanor just seems to invite mockery. For instance, despite it being completely untrue, people still believe that Al Gore claims to have invented the Internet. South Park recently had an episode with him espousing the danger of the Manbearpig, a deadly cross between man and bear and pig that threatens the entire world, a pitiless parody of his new movie, An Inconvenient Truth.

Let’s get one thing straight - while he may not be the most charismatic ex-politician floating around, Al Gore is a smart dude; definitely smarter than “the other guy” who shall remain nameless (George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States). In An Inconvenient Truth, Al Gore discusses the science and politics of global warming. He presents a good argument, with some really compelling evidence. The movie is a mix of Al Gore’s personal anecdotes and a classroom like lecture, full of charts and graphs and video clips. Seriously though, it is more exciting than it sounds. The graph with the correlation of CO2 in the atmosphere with global temperature is pretty shocking, but the footage of hurricanes destroying New Orleans make a deeper impact.

One statistic that really struck home with me was that there is still 100 trillion dollars worth of oil underground (I am not 100% sure on that number, but it was really, really high). If we continue to burn fossil fuels the carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere will increase and it will keep getting hotter and hotter, and with all the influence the oil companies and oil producing countries exert it will be difficult to bring about true change; especially if there is that much money to be made. I do not have enough faith in corporations or politicians making the right choice between making money and saving civilization.

I really enjoyed this movie. It was interesting and informative and strangely enough, Mr. Gore exhibits a reasonable degree of charm and personality. He is affable, makes jokes, is sarcastic, and even pokes fun at himself. Where the hell was that when he was running for president? The movie ends with a veritable call to arms, and hopefully it will inspire a lot of people to think differently about their place in the world. To me, this movie was a bit of “preaching to the choir.” Still, I think everyone should see this movie. Sadly, I have a feeling that those who should see it the most (yes, you with the Hummer), won’t.

I am by nature a pessimist; and unfortunately, my suspicion is that if Al Gore is our last best hope against global warming, we’re all screwed.